My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
