Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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