in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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