dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
