she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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