proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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