These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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