remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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