I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize