so explain again why im purple
no
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
