He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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