Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
