This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
