she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Help me help you realize you are a moron
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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