So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
