Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Let's paint friendship bongs
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
