do herpes really smell.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
