In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
