What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
