i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
