my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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