My friends, they love my intelligence
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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