I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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