dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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