but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
