I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
