dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
