Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
