then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize