either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
