I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
