areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
