Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
