From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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