Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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