my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
