you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you didnt know i had herpes?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
