Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
