Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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