remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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