I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize