I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
