I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
