I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
