She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
