two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
