you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
