Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
