its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
