I wish my penis had an off switch
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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