Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
