I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
