he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
