i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
