matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
