I think I won the penis lottery.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize