She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We left the knife in your bed.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
