"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
