A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
