i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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