I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
