I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
