dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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