Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
pray to the hookup gods
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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