dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
