I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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