i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize