Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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