thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Someone signed my nipple.
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