i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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