youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
