he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
