I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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