Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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