I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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