I smell stomach acid.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
