They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize