the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
tell me about the fingering
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