Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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