Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
