i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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