He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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