I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
