bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The struggles of a small town man whore
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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