So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
