Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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