There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
