Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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