A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
