he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Randomize