Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
