just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
