at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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