The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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