Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize