That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
