Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
