i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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