But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
