Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
