are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
handjob tips. give me some.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
