what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
