okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
