i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
