My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
