he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
