...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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