My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
