so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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