he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
