just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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