im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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